Half a Decade Update

Five years.

Ternyata gak selama itu kalau habis dihitung pakai kalkulator. But seemed like ages ago.

At this point, I should be writing my thesis proposal (yes, I'm pursuing another degree right now, funny isn't it?)—not blogging (if I want to be productive). But someone (well maybe several people) intrigued me to write some more, just like I used to. And the words somehow flow easier blogging this way rather than writing the thesis proposal (should not be an excuse, I cannot waste any more time and money).

Anyways.

Though deep inside, I aspire to write, the words won't come out as pretty as they should in my head. I guess one at a time huh?

Finally The Script!

HAI! Long time no see and it's been a while (not a while, it's been so long) since the last time I wrote in this blog. SO. I just managed my blog feed once again and I found my previous post about me, wanting to watch The Script concert in Jakarta but can't because the concert required of-age people (re: this).

Silly of me, when they finally came again to Jakarta and finally me and my friends could watch them, I didn't even wrote back here immediately. So it's a post about me and my long time friends (Fai and Budhe) finally went to their concert because we could.

Long story short, I've never been to a concert before so I never had the experience to book a ticket what-so-ever. I didn't even notice them going to held a concert in Jakarta because at the moment I just got accepted into an internship at an Accounting Firm and was on the job training. But then, my best friend is never going to fail me because we've been wanting to watch their concert like since we were in junior high school and we STILL love their music (because they're great artist, d'uh). And what are the odds? I had my own money back then! So I have no trouble in money, time, etc, etc.

I actually don't know what to write, because like.. I just don't know what to write hahaha. I just want to say that I even still have the ticket and the entrance bracelet for my own souvenir. We also took a photo there, I'll add into this post too if I found them. This is a nice experience and it is true what people say, once you went to a concert you'll want to come again and again. But I have to set my own boundary so I don't waste my money too much on them hahaha. Maybe the next concert I'll attend is Bruno Mars' or Panic At The Disco's because I'd like to come to a concert where I could jumpily happily to the music~ Oh and maybe NCT's of course! There's just so many things I haven't been able to write in here and NCT is a part of it.

P.S: After 12 years long friendship, came to the time where Fai finally sleep over at my house after the concert (because we thought it's going to finish so late)! Hahaha we never had sleepover (neither at one of our houses) because our house is actually close but at that time she was too lazy to go home alone late at night.

Photo we took at the photo booth

The entrance bracelet that I still have until now:D

Berteman dengan Kekecewaan

Terkadang suka bingung. Kita, sebagai manusia, apa salah untuk berharap? Berharap akan suatu hal yang (mungkin) akan membuat hidup lebih berwarna, lebih bermakna. Karena, permasalahan yang selalu dihadapi ketika bertemu dengan kata-kata 'harapan' adalah pertemuan yang diakhiri oleh 'penyesalan' bukannya malah 'kebahagiaan' ataupun 'kesenangan'. Begini maksudnya, ekspektasi awal kita membangun sebuah harapan adalah untuk mendapatkan sebuah kebahagiaan ataupun kesenangan. Bukankah begitu fungsi dari 'harapan' itu sendiri? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Lalu, seiring berjalannya waktu dengan berorientasi ekspektasi yang awal kita pegang, perlahan-lahan harapan itu sepertinya hilang, kandas, dimakan oleh waktu. Entah dimakan oleh waktu, ruang, orang, perasaan, dan yang lainnya. Sampai akhirnya, harapan itu menjadi sebuah realita yan menyakitkan, yang tidak enak untuk diingat, atau bahkan gak sedikit dari kita yang malahan menjadi benci dengan kata-kata 'harapan' itu. Harapan yang awalnya kita impikan indah, menjadi sebuah kekecewaan yang menyesakkan hati dan pikiran.

Kenapa 'harapan' sangat berhubungan erat dengan 'kekecewaan'? Memang, tidak setiap harapan yang kita punya berubah menjadi sebuah kekecewaan. Tapi tidak menutup juga kenyataan bahwa harapan itu lebih sering membuat kita menjadi kecewa. Entah harus kecewa terhadap diri sendiri, karena terlalu tinggi berharap ataupun kecewa terhadap orang atau hal lain yang telah memberikan harapan itu.

Sebagai manusia, gak mungkin kita gak pernah berharap akan suatu hal. Lantas, kita sudah seharusnya berjuang agar harapan itu tidak kandas tertelan oleh hal-hal yang bisa menghilangkan harapan. Karena, menurutku, harapan dan impian tidak jauh beda. Mereka akan hilang ditelan oleh waktu apabila kita sendiri tidak memperjuangkan harapan dan impian itu. Tapi, kayaknya, kebanyakan dari kita gak menganggap harapan dan impian itu sama. So, saat harapan itu kandas, kesedihan menghantam hati kita.

"Kamu tau gak penyebab utama kita kecewa terus sedih?

Sebenernya itu cuma karena kitanya aja yang terlalu berharap."

Perantauan dan Merantaulah

Hantaman dari teman di malam hari. Thans to Anggie Lorenza, whoever you are. Your post is somewhat really true.

Seketika jadi sedih mikirin perantauan yang masih bakal gue jalanin selama kurang lebih tiga tahun lagi. Memang, kata mereka tiga tahun itu sebentar kalau dijalani. And I couldn't agree more, setahun pun disini memang terasa sebentar, tiba-tiba udah semester tiga aja, padahal kemarin baru banget di ospek sama kakak-kakak senior. Tapi (nelen ludah), sedih banget rasanya masih ada tiga tahun harus menahan rindu, menahan semua perasaan untuk ketemu orang-orang yang kita sayang di kampung halaman.

Sekalinya pulang, cuma bisa dirumah buat sebulan di semester ganjil dan kurang lebih tiga bulan di semester genap dan rasanya itu, waktu sebulan dan tiga bulan gak ada puas-puasnya untuk memuaskan diri dirumah. Yang lebih bikin sesak di hati itu, seminggu-dua minggu pas kita pulang, pasti tuh rame banget sama yang namanya meet up bareng temen-temen tercinta. Begitu lo sadar waktu libur lo sudah habis di kampung halaman, semakin berat rasanya buat ninggalin rumah. Bukan berarti setelah pulang sekian lama terus rasa kangen itu terobati. No, you're really wrong. Semakin lama kita di kampung halaman, semakin besar rasa sesak kita buat ninggalin kota tercinta itu. Tapi pun, kalau lo cepat balik ke perantauan, rasa gak ikhlas buat balik ke perantauan itu juga semakin besar.

Believe it or not, dalam waktu kurang lebih lima bulan kita stay di tempat perantauan, sooo many things have changed. Entah itu keluarga lo sendiri, keadaan kampung halaman, temen-temen lo, bahkan sampe cerita cinta lo maupun temen-temen lo. Dan lo gak bisa bayangin (untuk yang bukan perantau, ataupun perantau jarak dekat) betapaaaa senengnya untuk ngedengerin cerita yang sekian banyak berubah itu, sampe-sampe kadangpun lo gak inget namanya orang baru yang temen lo ceritain itu di akhir cerita. But nothing can replace that happiness to hear something from your beloved ones.

Udah setahun gue jalanin perantauan gue, tapi sampe sekarang gue masih belom bisa nemuin obat termanjur buat untuk ngurangin rasa kangen rumah disaat gue merasakan homesick yang sangaaaat terlewat batas. Kalo orang-orang bilang enak ngerantau, bebas dari orang tua, bisa ngapain aja, hmm. You should really try it at least once for just one month. Orang-orang pun juga bilang, sibukkan diri biar rasa kepingin pulang itu sedikit terobati, tapi enggak juga. Banyak faktor yang bikin lo gak bisa tahan untuk gak pulang, terutama temen-temen seperantauan lo tapi entah mereka tajir bisa sering pulang ataupun yang kampung halamannya cuma jarak 1-2 jam naik bus.

And in the end, kita anak perantauan yaa cuma bisa duduk termangu, tertawa terpaksa, tersenyum kecil, faking all emotions untuk menahan rasa sakitnya menahan rindu untuk orang-orang tersayang di kampung halaman. 

Nyesek.

Hantaman

VERITAS

Roman Myth; truth.

As a Motto; being an ideal (such as: Truth, Kindness, and Beauty)

Decent Enough, I Think.

Let this blog be my witness in silence. Hahaha. Just kid. I wrote it in here because no one even bothered to open my blog link, yet I still actively write in here, so yeah. Concluded.

     December 2014 (maybe) to be exact was when my mom visited me here to Malang, she told me that I have to be more active in this older age, not only active academically but also in organization to be exact - well, that was what she said. 

     This is where this thing will gets more complicated. When I was in junior and senior high school, my mom forbid me to join any organizational activity in school such as OSIS or MPK. She said that I'm not good enough at time management and she was afraid that my academic scores will turn bad if I join any of them. Well, I couldn't agree more with my mom. But what exactly made me discouraged to join the organization in high school was because OSIS&MPK weren't run in accordance to their functions. Okay. Enough about the past. I don't wanna talk more about it, because my words could be my own grenade. 

     What I'm going to tell you this time is that; regret. I regret why I hadn't tried to be the person who change the whole damaged system? Maybe I'm not good enough and yes I'm not good enough. What makes me feel more regretful is that now I see so many people who have already achieved so many things and also active in so many organization and still active until now. Like, I feel like I'm nothing in this world. Not even good enough to be what I have always dreamed about.
     I won't say the names of the persons, but they make me think that I have to be more active in organization, I have to be more smart and intelligent, I have to explore more about myself, I have to be more keen in social and political events - because that's what we are faced with. I have the social soul in me but what I can not do is to make it as an output in life.

In conclusion is that I'm trying to make myself much more useful in life. If now I could be useful in range of the faculty, by the time I grew older, I want to make myself more useful in range of university, the city, the province, maybe Indonesia and then the world (as I grew older, the more decent life goal I get).

Hujan dan Teman Ceritanya

Rain.

On a rainy day today, I was sitting alone in my room, looking over the windows, with a cup of coffee as a friend to warm myself in this cold cold day. This very rainy day brings out - like - every memory I've ever had. They said that rain usually brings all the memories in your life. Rain makes you think over those memories that you should have already forgotten. That statement is somewhat true. It is true we will be in that position IF we have no one else to turn to or maybe someone that could makes us forget about those things happened in the past days. Then tell me, why can't I forget over this things already?

p.s.: why I always end my blog post with a question?