Decent Enough, I Think.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Let this blog be my witness in silence. Hahaha. Just kid. I wrote it in here because no one even bothered to open my blog link, yet I still actively write in here, so yeah. Concluded.
December 2014 (maybe) to be exact was when my mom visited me here to Malang, she told me that I have to be more active in this older age, not only active academically but also in organization to be exact - well, that was what she said.
This is where this thing will gets more complicated. When I was in junior and senior high school, my mom forbid me to join any organizational activity in school such as OSIS or MPK. She said that I'm not good enough at time management and she was afraid that my academic scores will turn bad if I join any of them. Well, I couldn't agree more with my mom. But what exactly made me discouraged to join the organization in high school was because OSIS&MPK weren't run in accordance to their functions. Okay. Enough about the past. I don't wanna talk more about it, because my words could be my own grenade.
What I'm going to tell you this time is that; regret. I regret why I hadn't tried to be the person who change the whole damaged system? Maybe I'm not good enough and yes I'm not good enough. What makes me feel more regretful is that now I see so many people who have already achieved so many things and also active in so many organization and still active until now. Like, I feel like I'm nothing in this world. Not even good enough to be what I have always dreamed about.
I won't say the names of the persons, but they make me think that I have to be more active in organization, I have to be more smart and intelligent, I have to explore more about myself, I have to be more keen in social and political events - because that's what we are faced with. I have the social soul in me but what I can not do is to make it as an output in life.
In conclusion is that I'm trying to make myself much more useful in life. If now I could be useful in range of the faculty, by the time I grew older, I want to make myself more useful in range of university, the city, the province, maybe Indonesia and then the world (as I grew older, the more decent life goal I get).
I won't say the names of the persons, but they make me think that I have to be more active in organization, I have to be more smart and intelligent, I have to explore more about myself, I have to be more keen in social and political events - because that's what we are faced with. I have the social soul in me but what I can not do is to make it as an output in life.
In conclusion is that I'm trying to make myself much more useful in life. If now I could be useful in range of the faculty, by the time I grew older, I want to make myself more useful in range of university, the city, the province, maybe Indonesia and then the world (as I grew older, the more decent life goal I get).
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